Wednesday, 2 May 2012

02 May 2012 floundering

Of course it's because I'm 40 in a few months that I feel the need to blog.  Well, it's not so much needing to blog as feeling the need to plan and achieve.  I don't mean I've a tonne of stuff to do before I'm 40; I mean I'm lost, and I want to know where I'm going before I hit it.

There's only one particular, unremarkable, predictable) target I have before the big birthday - and it's weight related.  I am so ordinary.  So the goal is 52kg, which is around 114lbs or 8st2ish.  For me that would be skinny, but hey let's see.

And I suppose this is why I'm writing in a blog - to keep myself honest with no excuses.  Ordinarily I keep any goals and ambitions close to me, for fear of failure & humiliation.  But it means that I don't get support - how could people support me if they've no idea what I'm trying to do?  I imagine that people have no idea some of the things that are most important to me - I almost pretend disinterest.  Especially if (like now) there's something preventing me from working towards what I want to do.  So sport is a really big deal to me, but with a year or so of injury, and not able to train properly, I'm more and more frustrated.  So I avoid talking about it and laugh it off.

This is an interesting process - I was expecting to write light-hearted stuff (although with little pretention to wit)but it's become deep introversion already.

Ok.  I'll finish with things that are in my head that I'd like to do - or work on - at some point but normally wouldn't dare tell people. Some of these don't have specific goals, but I will put down what's in my head for the ones that I have thought of, even though they may be Wildly Optimistic.  Capitalised because Wild Optimism would be a lot better than worrying.

In no particular order:
o  running a sub 3hr15 marathon, running a sub 1hr30 half marathon, running a sub 40min 10k. (A couple of years ago I did sub 1hr33, and sub 42, if I remember correctly...)
o  cyclocross
o  time trialling - improving on previous times, which weren't great
o  triathlon - at least get an Ironman done, though I'd like to do some Olympic distance at speed
learn German
o  work on job/career - lots of learning to do, and need to be in a less stressed mindset than I am now, through whatever means is needed
o  then there's the house and garden to work on! 
o  and I've some sewing projects to do too
o  and a fancy to do some DIY/woodwork
o  oh gosh, nearly forgot piano & cello - long neglected, used to be good at cello, reasonable at piano

Enough. Quite obviously I'm a muddle of things I must do and no plan to get there.  So this is the start.

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